There are times (many times) in a relationship when you just don't agree or just get on each other's nerves. There comes a point when you just know what buttons to push... and yes, you choose to push them sometimes. That's easy to do. But, choosing NOT to push those buttons, or choosing to NOT yell takes strength and true control of your emotions... and it is NOT easy because we (1) don't want to be punked by our partner or (2) are too proud to back down.
Sometimes you have to know when to STOP when you see the RED lights. Meaningful relationships are not about getting the last word, or yelling to intimidate your partner. There are times when I choose to keep my mouth shut and there are times when he chooses to keep his mouth shut. Trust, it's for the better. But, don't let us fool you. It's taken us 6 years to get to this point --- and we still don't have it down to perfection.
Other times, we see an argument or "debate" go down a road it shouldn't. The YELLOW warning lights start to come on, and you see them. At this point, one or the other should decide to back down and just let it go. Or, one of you can say "Hun, please give me some time and let me cool down before we continue this discussion." <-- sounds like this is for the birds, right? No, it's not. It's not corny and it's a healthy way to communicate. The tricky part is realizing your conversation is going down the "warning" zone... and pump the breaks ASAP.
Finally, there are many many maaaany times we think all things are a GO as if we hit a road full of GREEN lights. You know what I'm talking about: The ladies go for the low blows to their men's egos and the men get low too by getting all in his lady's emotions. In the end of these heated arguments you just end up frustrated, angry at each other -- and if you have more of these than you should, it will destroy your relationship.
So, to wrap up this long post: Know how to pick your fights. Some of the fights may very well be worth all the drama. But, is each and every single fight worth it? It's OK to not have the last word. It's OK to choose not to argue and back down.
Here's a bonus photo for you guys. Took this in the morning from our living room: